We turn to TV shows for a variety of reasons. The news, to have a laugh, to become engulfed in another world, to learn something new, to be mindless. I find myself falling into all of the above from time to time. And while I don’t actually watch a lot of TV right now, when I do, I’m drawn toward more serious dramas.

I recently finished the series, I May Destroy You, on HBO. All I have to say is WOW. Well, that is not all I have to say, but that was my initial reaction upon completion. The show consists of 12 episodes and follows main character, Arabella Essiedu. “Bella”, as she is called, endures a brutal rape in the first episode, after being drugged and therefore is unaware who committed the attack.

Directly relating to this, and I will caveat to say this series is quite triggering in a variety of ways, my heart immediately broke for her. While I was not drugged, I did not know who my attacker was for an extremely long time. It wears on you, both physically and mentally, the lack of control at times unbearable. Bella endures a roller coaster of flashbacks, erratic behavior, and trying to convince herself she is fine.

As she tries to retrace her steps and recount the series of events from that night, she cannot let it go. Coincidentally enough, she is a writer, and is working on her second book. However, the rape stops her dead in her tracks, and she experiences intense writer’s block. As you can imagine, this leads her down a path of professional destruction as she faces the consequences of missed deadlines and meetings. Her character allows the viewer access into the mind of a rape victim and all the sordid things associated with it.

Among the many beautiful elements of this show, I May Destroy You also brings to light issues of race, sexual preference, and the reality male rape victims face. The show is set in London, and the characters are predominately African American. It does an amazing job revealing the intricate connections between these topics, while pushing the envelope on the taboo nature of them. It may invoke discomfort, for the sheer reason that these issues are not discussed enough. And that hits me at my core.

Arabella’s journey from rape victim to survivor reminds me so much of my own. The way her mind operates, the consistent letdowns from the justice system and those she thought were close to her, the dying urge to figure out the missing pieces, the sense of empowerment and becoming a new, stronger person. It is one of the most powerful shows I have watched in a long time. And sadly also reminds me of the daunting fact that these issues are more present than ever.

The show bead is a unique one. It may not even be on your necklace right now. It may come on and off, depending on its prominence. Sometimes, though, we come across a show that resonates so deeply that it sticks around for a while. And if you’re looking for that, I strongly urge you to check out I May Destroy You. It will impact you in surprising ways. It sure did for me.

I am not a huge watcher of the news. Not because I don’t want to be informed or hold intellectual conversations about what is going on in the world. More so because of how depressing it is. Political unrest, another mass shooting, natural disasters, animal cruelty, and the list goes on. And I get it. The media reports the things that people need to know. Sometimes in excess, sometimes not enough.

However, I generally understand that the media is doing its job just like the rest of us. And yes, there are positive news stories - those of the heroes that saved the day, groundbreaking medical discoveries, new business successes. But overall, if you take a glance at your local news page today, I guarantee there will be at least one death, car crash, or robbery gone wrong.

The news can be fleeting. As much as I hate to say it, when we see the sad stories, they affect us in that moment and may result in a residual conversation, but we then move on to the next. What we don’t often realize, though, is that we experience a 30 second news clip in just that. 30 seconds. And it’s no fault of our own. We can’t take on all of the grief and emotional burden of every devastating story we see.

But those in the stories…those are the ones who endure every single second past the 30 we witness. The news picks up a new headline, a new 30 seconds of information. But what happens to those in the headlines? They stay in it and try to navigate what their next 30 seconds are going to look like.

About a month ago, in my efforts to stay current, I decided to follow an area of the news I feel a direct connection to. As a rape survivor, I set myself up to receive “Google Alerts” on all news containing rape and sexual assault. Sadly, but I can’t say I’m surprised, there are so many news articles containing rape and sexual assault that I receive two emails every single day that I can SCROLL through. One for rape and one for sexual assault. Multiple pages worth of rape and sexual assault stories. Talk about depressing.

I quickly realized why I am not a fan of the news. But when I started to think about the people in these stories, the ones that live past the 30 seconds, it brings me back to where I was 11 years ago. Starting over. Figuring out how the hell I was going to live for the next 30 seconds. And so I continue to read these articles each day.

One headline particularly struck me. It arrived in my “Google Alert – Rape” email on November 1, titled “Five men acquitted for rape because unconscious teenage victim didn’t fight back.” When I first read it, I thought surely, I misread this. Surely this isn’t talking about a teenage girl. No, this can’t be right. But when I re-read it, I realized there was no mistake. And I got this immediate punched in the gut feeling. I sat there staring at this headline trying to formulate any rational thought about it. But I couldn’t.

A bit nervous, I began reading the article. I didn’t get very far because these two sentences stopped me dead in my tracks: “Under Spanish law, a sexual attack can only be classified as an assault or rape if the perpetrator uses violence or intimidation. Because the 14-year-old victim was unconscious, the five were convicted of a lesser charge of sexual abuse.”

I’m just going to let that sink in for a minute. This needs longer than 30 seconds.

14-years-old. Unconscious. Gang raped. Acquittal of rape (but thankfully still convicted). I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it. This attack occurred in 2016. How is the now 16-year-old survivor doing today? What is she doing right now? Does she have someone to talk to? Does she have people surrounding her that love her? What the hell is wrong with the Spanish law? Just some of my immediate thoughts.

For the past 12 days, this girl has stayed on my mind. I want to fly to Spain and hug her and tell her how strong she is and that she will heal from this and have the life she dreamed of and deserves. I want to tell her I believe her, and I support her. I want to tell her that being a rape victim will be a part of who she is, but it won’t define her. Being a survivor defines her. Fighting to get to the other side defines her.

The news is important. As devastating as it can be, it does have its redeeming qualities. It raises awareness to issues such as Spanish law. It allows us to see and hear what is happening in the world. It keeps us informed about local events and incidents. It connects us to people we may never meet, who are experiencing things we may never experience, who have overcome things we may never have to overcome.

So, the next time you decide to turn on the news, grab hold of your awareness bead. Take a bit longer than 30 seconds to think about the folks in the stories you see. Keep them in the back of your mind. It may prompt you to do all sorts of things. Set up Google alerts, donate to a cause, learn ways to help, curse in a fit of rage, cry, smile, reflect on your own life. You may even find yourself thinking about it 12 days later.