The Reflection Bead

Paul TP Wong writes, “Time spent in self-reflection is never wasted – it is an intimate date with yourself.” And this is a lovely quote. But do we actually do this? Do we spend time self-reflecting, having intimate dates with ourselves, even giving ourselves the space in which to achieve this? It’s a great concept in theory but taking time to reflect is an intentional behavior. One that I myself am personally working on. Because for me, it’s true, the time spent in self-reflection has not been wasted. But that’s because I haven’t been taking the time to do it in the first place. Until recently.

I’ve had some epiphanies in these first 21 days of the new decade. Yes, I know, it is STILL January, and we are only 21 days in. I always feel like January is the longest of all months ever. But this year, I must say I am enjoying its length. For the first two weekends, my family had no plans. We are talking no play dates, no birthday parties, no nights out. Zero. So we woke up both Saturday and Sunday mornings with NOTHING to do. I’m going to let that sink in for a minute, because I cannot tell you how rare this is for us...

Ok back on track, absolutely nothing planned, so we pitched it to our 4-year-old to tell us what he wanted to do. Well, he’s already began talking to us about his birthday party plans, which are at the end of May I might add, so we decided to go pick out party decorations! For a party that is over four months away. For a rising five-year-old. Now, the planner side of me was so proud. I’ve taught my boy well. But the child in me was SO excited. And so was he, making it even more exciting.

So we went to the party store and spent about an hour wandering the aisles considering all of our options for themes. Superheroes, Mario, Pokemon, Star Wars, Minions, Toy Story, and on and on. And then it happened. The decision was made. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Woohoo! The thing was, though, that we didn’t rush. We didn’t give any timers or countdowns. We didn’t say no to anything. We didn’t speak the words, “Finally!” We let Tyler take his time, because we had ALL the time. What a beautiful thing.

Might I also add that Danny and I felt energized, ready to tackle our days and have all the fun because…we have stood by our word and stuck to Sober January. And for this, I am so proud of us.

Another absolutely crazy thing that has happened is…wait for it…I have already read a book this year. Like cover to cover, finished in four days. WHAT?! For those that may be new here, I am not a huge reader. It’s one of those “those who can, do. those who can’t, teach” situations. Except replace “can” and “can’t” with “like to” and “don’t”. Basically, I am not a reader, but I love to write. So the fact that I have already read a book this year is huge. I will expand more about my thoughts on this book in a future blog post because it was just that good that it warrants its own post.

But the name of it in the meantime is Finding Annie, written by the brilliant Katherine Turner, set to debut in April.

Now for the reflecting part of the past few weeks. I have found myself really thinking about our days and how we have spent them. Referencing back to Wong’s quote, I have had a few intimate dates with myself. And what I’ve found is that I love this slower-paced life. Why not get everything for a May birthday party. Why not sit down and read a book. Why not wake up feeling great because I didn’t have a few drinks the night before. Why not let our kids decide what we do on the weekends. It has put me in quite a different mindset, for the first time in a while.

The slower pace life brought me back to right after the rape. I stopped. The world kept moving around me, but I came to an abrupt stand still. And that was the silver lining in it all. As traumatic as that time was and still is at times, I stopped. I admired flowers on the side of the highway. I made jewelry for days on end. Priorities shifted, and I slowed down.

My point in all of this, is that my periods of reflection have been nice. And needed. Don’t get me wrong, I love being busy and doing all the things. But the flip side of that, the slower pace, is fabulous. Self-reflection has allowed me to realize that and will hopefully allow me to implement a slower pace when we can. It won’t always be this way. In fact, life is about to ramp back up again with both pleasant and some not so pleasant things. But I will say that self-reflection has put me in a better mental space to face the music. Whether the music is loud or heavy metal or soft or turned off, I am ready for it. The key will be to continue self-reflecting even when the music is deafening.

For me, the reflection bead is a new one on my necklace. It’s made an appearance here and there before but has definitely stayed “unstrung” more often than not. I encourage everyone to find their reflection bead. Like all the other beads, it can come in many different shapes. Self-reflection can look however you want it to. Writing in a journal. Going to therapy. Spending five minutes at the end of the day. Spending five minutes while sitting on the toilet. Whatever it may be, just try it. Take some time just to think. For starters, you can ask yourself, “How am I really doing?”, “What is one thing I can do for me today?”, “Is there anything I can simplify?” And who knows, you may find yourself craving these intimate dates with yourself. Thanks, Wong.