We all know the common saying, “it takes a village to raise a child.” And yes, that is so so true. But I think it takes a village to actually do life. Think about it. If we all had to go through life completely alone, would any of us even be here? Deep and quite sad thought, I know. But in all seriousness, without my village, I absolutely would not be here. And I don’t think many others would be either.
Take a step back from whatever you are doing right this very minute. Clear your mind the best you can. Think about who and what are in your village. If you’ve never thought about it before, consider this an excellent time to. If you have thought about it before, consider this an excellent reminder. Ask yourself these questions:
1. When you think about your village, do you smile?
2. Are you happy with who and what is in your village?
3. Have you told your village lately how grateful you are for them?
A village can be made up of so many different people and things. Regardless of how you answered the questions above, your village is whatever you need it to be. There is no “right” way to go about it. The most important things are that your village supports you, loves you, allows you to feel less alone in this world. And if that is made up of one person or 50, it’s yours. Whatever works for you.
Now, if you found yourself answering “no” to any of the questions above, that is totally okay. Villages can get complicated. For instance, people can be in your village, but they can still be toxic to you. And it’s really up to us as individuals to determine what to do about that toxicity. The complication comes if that toxic person is say a family member or a spouse or a child or a friend you have known for 23 years. And maybe you have never really realized just how much negativity the toxicity is causing in your life. Maybe you have, and you don’t know how to approach the issue. Maybe you have, but you have tried to push it out of your mind. Whatever the case may be, it’s something to think about, and eventually act on if necessary.
Villages transform, just as people do. I have found that in different seasons of my life, people in my village have served different purposes. Some have stayed, some have gone, some have resurfaced. It may be the friend you haven’t spoken with in years suddenly comes back into your life unexpectedly. Or that person you depended on so heavily for so long has drifted in a different life direction. It has taken me a long time to realize that whatever the circumstance may be, it is okay that my village has transformed over the years.
Right now, in this very season of my life, my village is rock solid. I have a marriage that is full of consistent work but also full of so much support and love. Danny has transformed as a village member throughout our 11 years together. He has been my shoulder to cry on, my punching bag when I couldn’t yell at anyone else, my supporter through all of my hardships and major life decisions, and most importantly my friend and co-parent. Since he has no plans on leaving my village, we work through the transformations and the obstacles on a regular basis. And it’s not easy. And it’s not enjoyable at times. But it is worth it because my village wouldn’t be my village without him in it.
I have friendships that are the type of friendships I will have until I am old and gray. These friends have also transformed with me over the years. Those college friends you partied with come into the “real” world with you, start professional lives, and then find significant others, become married couples with you, and many have become parents with me. We aren’t the same people we were 10 and 15 years ago, but they have remained in my village.
I also have those friendships and acquaintances that haven’t been around as long, but they may as well have been. Ever meet someone and literally say, “wow, I feel like I have known you for years!”? I love when that happens. When everything just clicks and it’s effortless in a way. I am all about friendships where there is no judgement, no hassle, and both parties involved have a genuine care for one another.
I consider myself especially fortunate when it comes to my family. While there lots of moving pieces to it, for the most part, it all functions just the way I need it to. This part of my village has been at my beck and call through periods of my life, supports me with no questions asked, and is always down for a good time. Through the thick and the thin, my family has been there and always will be. Our immediate families also live close by, adding an extra village bonus.
For all the parts of my village, that are both separate and overlapping, you all make me smile, you all make me so happy, and I am so incredibly grateful for all of you!
However your village bead looks, whether it be small or large, multi-colored or one color, misshapen or perfectly round, my hope is that everyone has one. Life is hard. And without feeling like you’re going through it with others, it can get lonely. And with loneliness comes a slew of other unwanted emotions, at least in my personal experience. Referring back to my questions above, take a moment and reflect on your village. Adjust it if needed and go give giant bear hugs to the rest. It is the holiday season, after all.