Today is Beads’ official birthday! Cue the shocked face, heart eyes, head exploding, muscle flexing, teeth showing smiley emojis at once! It still blows my mind. Talk about something to be thankful for. I have been reflecting A LOT over the past few months. About life, my family, the rape, my marriage, friendships. And I must say, I have so much to be thankful for. Not just in the cliché, hey Thanksgiving is in two days, let’s find things to be thankful for, kind of way. But really truly thankful for where I am in my life and the people and things that are in it.
A few months ago, I severely sprained my ankle, leaving me unable to drive or walk without assistance. I had one of those huge black boots that goes up to the bottom of your kneecap. And then on top of that, I had a scooter to get around on. Yes, please take a moment to picture me wheeling around my house, one leg up, literally rolling from the couch to the kitchen to the bathroom and back to the couch. That was my existence for about two weeks. Now, in the grand scheme of things, one may not think two weeks is that long. But let me tell you, it was the most agonizingly long two weeks I’ve experienced in a really long time.
As hellacious as it was, the ankle sprain spawned some pretty deep reflection. For one, it forced me to slow down and realize how fast I was moving through my days. I was like a ping pong ball, bouncing from here to there, mentally and physically. So, when the sprain happened, I quite literally had to stop. Everything I had planned those two weeks was wiped from my calendar. My days were filled with compression, elevation, ice, and rest on repeat.
I realized I don’t do well with sitting, as in the physical act of sitting down for say longer than a minute. Nothing like a physical injury to “teach” me how to sit on the couch. But I learned. I realized I don’t like to ask for help. I am a “I can do it all” type of person, however I couldn’t do it all those two weeks. I called on my village to come help me at night with the kids, drive my oldest to preschool, cook, laundry, all the things. While I typically feel like a burden when asking for help, what I found was that everyone was perfectly happy to do it. This is what I’m thankful for.
I felt like such a failure for not being able to complete the 1,523 things I was doing in a day. But it made me realize what is truly important in a day. It’s not the laundry getting done. It’s not the house being spotless. It’s not all the toys picked up. It’s not running errands. It’s not even showering. It’s the time I spend with my family and village. It’s the laughs about mom not being able to move. It’s my husband not caring one iota what the house looked like. It’s the seven books I read to my kids each night because I didn’t want to get out of the bed. This is what I’m thankful for.
In addition to my physical injury, I have been on a bit of a mental roller coaster as well. When Beads became available for pre-order, as excited as I was, my anxiety began getting the best of me. I didn’t notice it was happening until one day I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. I immediately scheduled an appointment with my psychiatrist because it finally dawned on me what the source of this feeling was: my most honest and raw truth being out in the world. And though that feeling has never and would never deter me from the release of my book, that feeling is real and scary and anxiety ridden. And while I may have buried this feeling in the past, I didn’t. I spoke up, saw my doc, increased my medication and took care of myself. This is what I’m thankful for.
Now that my ankle has mostly healed, and I am in a much calmer head space, I am so thankful. Thankful for all the big things like my kids, husband, family, my health, my house. But also the little things. For a hot second, I was thankful I could do the laundry again. Don’t worry though. That didn’t last long.
All joking aside, I am thankful for all the little things. To quote Robert Brault,
“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”
In my mind, the thankful bead mimics Brault’s words – it’s a huge bead, made up of several smaller ones. Being able to dance in the kitchen with my kids, talk to my mom four times a day, go to tumble classes with my best friend and our kids, hang out in the cul-de-sac with our neighbors, have girls nights, go on date nights. And that once “ridiculous” idea two years ago that has now become a book.
Happy Birthday to Beads and Happy Thanksgiving week to all. May you all cherish what you are thankful for and have the best turkey day!