It is crucial to keep the conversation going around mental health. It is ok to not be ok. Let’s eliminate the shame and guilt surrounding our mental states. Let’s listen and support each other. Let’s take care of ourselves.
Stay well, friends 💜
Let's Talk About It: Medication!
Talking about medication has always been hard for me. The reason it's been hard is because I feel like we've been taught to believe that if we need medication, there's something wrong with us, that needing meds is a bad thing.
So, I wanted to share some of my experiences with medication and what it's done for my mental health in different stages of my life. Throughout recovery, having my babies, during many other pivotal moments. I've been on medication and I've decided to come off of them, and back on again, the journey continues. Medication is essential to my life, and really, it helps me be me! ♥️
I'm here to tell you: there is 100% nothing wrong with needing medication. You know what's right for you and collectively, we all need to take care of our mental health as best as we can. ✨
Click the button below to go watch this installment on Instagram!
Let's Talk About It: Therapy!
May was Mental Health Awareness Month, so I'm talking about one thing that's helped me so, so much throughout my recovery from trauma: therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. A lot of us learned to believe that going to therapy is a sign of weakness. If we ask for help, it means there's something wrong with us. Here's the truth. Its incredibly difficult to ask for help, to admit when something might not be quite right within ourselves. It takes strength and bravery to face our inner demons. There is no shame in going to therapy.
I'm sharing some of my experiences with therapy including finding the right therapist, ways we can work to not feel ashamed of asking for help, and the many benefits I've experienced since prioritizing talk therapy.
I see you. You are loved. We are in this together. 💛
Click the button below to go watch this installment on Instagram!
The Me Bead
Now I know this sounds a bit selfish, but I promise it’s not. Well maybe a little. But everyone deserves to be a little selfish, right? In my honest opinion, people are sometimes not selfish enough, and furthermore feel guilty doing so. This can lead to a whole slew of things like burnout, depression, increased anxiety, poor health, and the list goes on.
Also, welcome to 2021.
In the spirit of this new year, I have a very different mindset than the last. First being that I have absolutely NO expectations. And I mean zero. I am starting this year from the ground up and am taking it one day at a time. Which in turn, will hopefully allow myself to focus a little more on me. What does this actually look like?
I wouldn’t necessarily call these “new year’s resolutions” per se, more so focal points that I lost focus on in the year that shall remain nameless. So here we go:
Sober January. I have done it the past couple of years, and the cleanse has done wonders for my physical and mental wellbeing. I am successfully on day 5, as of today.
Rethinking nutrition. My husband and I are embarking on a 21-day “Real Food Reset” through a local nutrition coach. For the next 19 days (we started yesterday), we will be eliminating grains, added sugars, alcohol (which we had already decided on anyway), hydrating, and doing some form of movement for 15 minutes. I think the key here is not going absolutely bananas with everything. Did I get on the scale yesterday? Yes. Was it scary? Yes. Am I going to go through carb withdrawal? Yes. Sugar cravings? Yes. But It’s all about progress over perfection. It’s truly not about the number on the scale for me. It’s about feeling better, physically and mentally, and believing in myself enough to complete these 21 days. And yes we are eliminating things, but there is no calorie counting, which historically has made me go a bit insane. And we aren’t diving into these hour-long crazy workouts. 15 minutes of anything: a walk, lifting weights, stretching. I can do anything for 15 minutes.
Consistently asking for help. This is tough for me, because I am definitely the type to take everything on and Do. It. All. And yes, I may get it all done. But then what happens? I crash. I become irritable. I become resentful. I have a very short fuse that gets taken out on my kids and husband. Bottom line: it doesn’t all have to get done all the time. Ask for help.
Journaling. I know I am not alone in this – every time I write my thoughts and feelings, whatever may be on my mind, my anxiety levels instantly drop. It’s like I’m having a therapy session with my pen and paper. I get everything “off” my chest, onto the paper, and close the book, keeping the fears and worries in the form of words on paper, rather than thoughts in my head. This year, I am going to spend more time doing this, plain and simple.
“Me” time every single day. This is something I have struggled with over the past year. We give and give and give ourselves to everything to make the world turn. Our kids, our significant others, our jobs, our sorrows, our tragedies. And what is the first thing to go when all of these things are at the forefront? Me. (and you). Without spending time on ourselves, we slowly become unable to spend time on everything else. So, this “me” time can look like anything. It doesn’t have to cost money. It doesn’t have to be fancy. But it needs to happen. Encourage others in your family and friend circle to do it too, including your kids (a little tip I picked up in my last therapy session!) Kids need “me” time just as much as we do. I personally plan on spending some time on the floor of my closet journaling. It’s cozy and quaint, and if I’m super careful, no one can find me for a good 10 minutes.
There is a cycle here. A method to my madness. The more I focus on my physical health, the more it helps my mental health, therefore the more motivated I am to ask for help, journal, and ensure I have enough me time.
See? The me bead isn’t as self-centered as it initially sounded. It’s going to look different for everyone, but I encourage you all to identify five focal points for yourself. And in turn, your world will hopefully turn a little easier, a little happier, a little less stressed. And maybe, just maybe, 2021 won’t be half bad. But remember, no expectations 😊
The Unknown Bead
Who knew Idina Menzel’s “Into the Unknown” from Disney’s Frozen II would end up being the perfect foreshadow to this ungodly year? Anyone? Anyone at all? Elsa apparently did. I actually saw this movie with my four-year-old in the movie theater. Remember those? Crazy that we could go to them less than six months ago. Seems like a different lifetime. At any rate, we seem to be deep “into the unknown” with no plans of going anywhere else remotely soon. And that really sucks.
The unknown and I do not get along. At all. Well, I do love surprises. But I usually spoil them because I find out or I’m dying to reveal. So, no we do not get along. I like to be in some sort of control, have some idea as to what is ahead, and therefore consider myself an exceptionally excellent planner. But obviously, we can’t plan everything. It’s the feeling that we can and do that keeps us sane.
This season of life, and I really am trying to look at this time as a season, is one big ball of heightened unknowns. When will there be a COVID-19 vaccine? Who is going to be our next president? What is the next series I am going to watch on Netflix? When will bars open again? Will we have to wear masks forever? Is Halloween cancelled? What if I get COVID-19? When will the constant hate come to an end? What is happening with Britney Spears? I just sneezed. Do I have COVID-19? Who in my family is dressing up as Santa this year since the real Santa is definitely staying up in the North Pole? And then there’s school. God bless all of us with school-aged children, those who are teachers, administrators, students themselves. I personally have a rising kindergartner. Do I send my kid to school? When is school going to start? Could we feasibly handle virtual learning? And the list goes on and on, entering any additional questions that fit into your current situation.
When faced with all of these thoughts, some are able to let it go (might as well throw in a reference to the first Frozen while I’m at it). I am not among those some. I get anxious and send myself into a tizzy and next thing I know my whole life is doomed. But thankfully, I am of a sound mind at the moment and would like to provide some advice and tips, some that was bestowed upon me and some of my own.
When panicking about the unknown, isn’t it so helpful when someone says, “don’t worry about things you can’t control?” Hell no. It’s like telling someone who is hyperventilating to “just breathe.” Ugh. During one of my recent bouts with high anxiety due to all the mysteries of the world, a very wise someone turned this statement around to say “control what you can.” Okay. I can do that. I love control. It spoke to me. Specifically, what are some ways to break this down?
1. Make a list of your unknowns. Actually write them out on a piece of paper or in a journal. Get them out of your head. There’s something about the act of physically writing things on paper that gives me more control.
2. Try ranking your unknowns, from least to most severe circumstances. This way, you’ll be able to unpack what is causing you the most distress in that moment.
3. Run through worst-case scenarios. Put it in some sort of flow chart if you have to, with boxes and arrows. Write out the unknown, and then all the things that can lead to the worst possible outcome of that unknown. Doing this, once again, allows us a sense of control in choosing to work through it. And you might even see that what you thought was your most daunting unknown, in fact is not.
4. Give yourself a chunk of time each day, 10 minutes, 30 minutes max, to fixate on these unknowns. Allow yourself to worry about them. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel about them. You are in control of the time in which you allot to them.
5. And then let it go. It takes practice. I am no pro. But I am working on it. [I also want to note that cases of anxiety and depression are at all-time highs right now. I take medication and see a psychiatrist to help me manage my mental health. Take care of and listen to yourself and know that there is no shame in doing the same.]
The unknown bead is a doozy for me. It’s ugly, has some rough edges. It’s not what draws me to the necklace, that’s for damn sure. I say this, however, as we are living in a very distorted version of reality. Everything is amplified right now. For those facing struggles with the unknown, I see you, I feel you, I am right there with you. Until next time, stay safe everyone.
The Mental Health Bead
True statement: I have struggled with my mental health for much of my life. And I hate to use the word “struggled” because I find that it puts a negative connotation on it. But it is also fitting because parts of my life really have been a struggle because of it. The term “mental health” encompasses many things. I want to dive into my personal experiences with it, those of anxiety and depression.
People are sometimes very surprised to hear that yes, I am one of the 40 million adults in the United States affected by anxiety (1) and one of the 322 million people worldwide living with depression (2). I’ve heard everything from, “But you are so happy and you laugh, so how can you be depressed?” to “You have a great husband, great kids, a great house, what more could you want?” Nice, huh?
Yes, technically those statements are correct. I am happy and I do laugh. Sadly, that is sometimes a front, and all I actually want to do is go lay in bed. I do have a great husband, great kids, a great house. Sadly, those things sometimes don’t matter when all I can think about is how helpless I feel.
“BE KIND ALWAYS, FOR EVERYONE YOU MEET IS FIGHTING A BATTLE YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT”
I don’t think this concept is practiced enough. Behind someone’s tough exterior could lie one that is broken. Behind someone’s smile could lie tears. Behind someone’s laughter could lie cries. Behind someone’s bubbly personality could lie one that is deflated. At points in my life, I have been all of these examples. And I did such an incredible job of hiding my battles so that no one would know. After all, actually admitting out loud that you are depressed is not often well received. It makes people uncomfortable.
I would avoid it at all costs because who am I to provoke such discomfort. I would then find myself changing how I acted and felt to please others, which would in turn just make me feel worse, perpetuating the vicious cycle.
For me, depression usually manifests itself in waves. At times, I would dread getting out of bed in the morning, knowing I didn’t have a choice. Or I would go to a bathroom stall in the middle of my workday and just cry. Or I’d spend an entire weekend in bed, in and out of sleep, riddled with my own mind. I haven’t had one of these waves in quite some time, which I am thankful for. What is important to note, however, is that a wave of depression doesn’t have to be triggered by anything. It can simply just be. There is no fix, there is no reason, there is no way to stop it. I want to squash the common misconception that those who have depression can just choose to be happy. Because that’s not the way it works. Not even a little bit.
Anxiety is depression’s pesky little friend. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America states that “nearly one-half of those diagnosed with depression are also diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.” I am one of those half. Lucky me. I would say that over the past few years, I have been plagued with anxiety more so than depression. And I would argue that it is equally if not more so debilitating. Imagine your mind racing through a thousand thoughts all at once, snowballing to worst case scenarios, you feel a pit in your stomach beginning to form, heart rate increasing, you’re sweating from being suddenly incredibly hot.
This is how I would describe one of my particularly bad anxiety attacks. To top it off, you are trying so hard to bring yourself out of it, but you just can’t. It’s scary. It’s frustrating. It’s awful. And it can really come about at any time, from anything. A trigger, trying to fall asleep at night, a social environment, the grocery store. As if life isn’t hard enough.
So, what have I personally done to manage my depression and anxiety? Years of therapy and years of medication. Thankfully, I have become quite skilled at recognizing when a wave of depression or an attack of anxiety hits. I wasn’t always, though. Unfortunately, for so many this is not the case, leaving them to continue suffering without help. This is devastating to me. And while I am in no way telling anyone how to handle their mental health, therapy and medication has made me a better person. It doesn’t all happen overnight. Believe me, I have tried most medications out there before finding what actually worked for me. Same goes for therapists. Just because someone is a therapist does not mean they are the right fit for you. So, if you have to shop around, that is okay.
Then, there is the stigma around mental health – that you’re a crazy person if you have to go see a therapist or take medication. And is depression even real? To which my response is usually, “you do you. I will do me.” Easier said than done, but it does shut people up.
The mental health bead is such an important one. It most likely is not the most beautiful and perhaps it lives on the end of your necklace, hidden behind your neck near the clasp. And that’s okay. But the more we talk about mental health, the more comfortable it becomes. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s not something to be ashamed of. It doesn’t have to be hidden, but it can be. Just know, you aren’t alone. I’m in this fight with you. And so, I circle back to the quote above, “Be kind always, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” You just never really know. Take care of yourself. Take care of others.
P.S. Happy end of Sober January. I made it. Happy beginning of “no candy, cake, or ice cream” February. Wish me luck.
(1) “Facts and Statistics.” Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA, 2010-2018, https://adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics
(2) “Depression.” Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA, 2010-2018, https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/depression